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I finally made it to the onederland!!!!  I haven’t been in onederland in years!  This weight is gone and kicked to the curb and down the rain gutter and to NEVER return!!!!  It feels so good to accomplish my first mini goal.  Im on my way to making to my final goal!!!

 This morning I decided to try on a pair of shorts that I couldn’t get into for 3 years………….and guess what?? I could button it and zipper it with no problem!!!!! Im so happy!!! Just one month ago I tried it on , and I couldn’t even bring the button and the hole together……..there was about a inch and a half gap. I finally got it closed today!!!!!!!! And Im wearing it today!!! IM SO HAPPY!!! I am so glad I kept going and never gave up. This gets me even more motivated to keep going!!

WOW what a workout!!!!  I just recieved the dvd in the mail.  I ordered it from Netflix to try it out before I buy it.  I love it!!  Jillian kicks butt……………kicked my butt anyway!  I feel it in every muscle!!  I didn’t know I hated jumping jacks so much though……LOL……..felt like I was about to give myself two black eyes.  LOL  I am going to stick with this and see how it goes.  I think I will do 10 days of level one and then go on to level two for ten days and then on to level 3.  Yay, im so excited.  I am dreading tomorrow though………….i hope i can still walk.  LOL  Goodnight everyone!!

beautiful!!!!!!!  thanks for all the prayers!!!  My two brothers and I and our children started out on the boat around 6:15am this morning to scatter my moms ashes.  We first scattered purple flower petals in the water which looked so beautiful.  Then we scatter my mom.  As we were doing that, the sun was rising!!!!  It was so beautiful.  It was perfect!  about half hour later it had a light shower of rain, and then a big full rainbow appeared right in front of us.  And if you read the post about my moms passing back last year, then you would have read that the day she passed in the hospital, there was a full bright rainbow infront of her window.  So that made us feel like she was there shining down at us.  It was such a calm feeling that we had today…………….thanks everyone for all the prayers!!!  Big Hugs to you all!!!

moms passing!!!!!!  It feels like yesterday!  Tomorrow we will be scattering her ashes at the beach where she loves.  We will be going out on a boat and doing this.  Im in such heart ache…………I sorta feel like we should have done this right after her passing so we dont have to go through this all over again.  But we just couldn’t let her go.  We will be having an all day bbq at the beach afterwards in celebration.  I will stay on track with my eating and get exercise walking on the beach and also swimming!  Please send prayers our way so the day will go smoothly and help keep me strong!  Thanks buddies!!

This morning my two girls and I went for a 3 mile walk around the lake in my area.  It was a beautiful day!!!  Although mother nature did cool us off a bit with a light shower that lasted 15 minutes.  Hahahaha!  At least it didn’t POUR!!!  Then as we got closer to home, what do we smell?????????  Pizza!!!!!!!!  Pizza Hut……………..and that was a block away across the street and I could still smell that wonderful smelling smell.  Then my little one sees McDonalds and says “lets go to McDonalds momm”……….AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  I am not walking for no reason I tell her.  LOL  we walked passed it and went home!!!  Other then having food places so near, we did pretty good and worked up a good sweat!!!  Maybe I will walk on my treadmill tomorrow!  LOL

I hope I can stay there!  But I am getting back on the wagon again after quite a few months.  I have set my mind to it.  I’m tired of feeling this way, and I can’t wait to see the results again!!  Wish me luck!

and I have no spirit for it.  It will be the first of holidays that my mom wont be here.  I just dont know how to get through it, and still be happy and excited for my childrens sake.  Every night I lay in bed and cry my heart out.  When will the pain go away? Or will it ever?  Thanks for being here for me buddies!!  HUGS

yesterday…………….MY MOM.  I took her into the emergency room Monday morning for lower back pain that she has been dealing with for the past 3 weeks.  She couldn’t take it anymore so she told me to take her there instead of to dialysis, which we were on our way.  So we got there and they gave her some morphine.  Made her comfortable.  Then 4 hours later they gave it to her again, plus a patch on her chest that released pain meds also.  My mom is a dialysis patient, so she didn’t filter the meds like how we do through urine.  So the meds stayed in her body and suppressed her breathing.  She was already having a hard time breathing because of the cancer that she had in her throat so thats why they put in the trach tube.  Well anyway, they figured out that the morphine was too strong, cause she wouldn’t respond. So they gave her something to reverse the effects of the morphine, which worked for a few hours, then they had to give it to her again.  She was retaining a lot of carbon monoxide in her body cause she already couldn’t breathe well.  So by yesterday morning she was retaining 100% of it in her body.  Which made her halucinate.  But she also knew who everyone was, and she continuted to smile and be happy even though she was so tired. That morning, when the sun had come out, there was a huge full rainbow right infront of her window.  It was gorgeous.  Then as we were looking at it, a white dove flew to her window and sat there looking in for a few minutes.  I told my mom to look…….and she had a big smile on her face.  It reminded me of Touched By An Angel, the tv show that use to come on………it was a sign I feel that they were coming for her soon. The docs tried to put in a breathing tube down her trach to get more air, but the cancer had already grown and they couldn’t put the tube past the trach to get the tube to her lungs.  They did a scope test to make sure.  They said there was nothing they could do for her now but to make her comfortable.  So thats what we did.  We told her it was ok to go to the angles.  That we would all be ok. and then she left us.  She looked so beautiful and so peaceful, not a single frown on her face.  She looked so good.  I was and am sooooooooooo crushed.  I dont have any appetite to eat a single thing.  Or drink.  I just dont have the feeling to fuel my body.  My kids are the ones that are keeping me going.  Without them to keep me somewhat busy I dont know what I would do.  But I just wanted to share my story with you and let you know that my mom has made her journey.

My mom had surgery on Tuesday to put a trach in her neck to help her breathe better.  They found out she had cancer again and there is nothing they can do about it now that she already had 2 radiation treatments in her neck area, and can’t have anymore in that area.  The cancer is in her back throat/neck area.  She isn’t a candidate for chemo because she has dialysis and would be too hard on her body for that.  And there is too much lumps and stuff to take all the cancer out…………if she did try she wouldn’t be able to get it all…………..and have to put her through that long surgery for nothing.  So PLEASE keep her in your prayers.  I hope she will be able to get out of the hospital this week so I can kinda get back to my workouts.  The only workouts I do now is to clean her out or go for short walks around the hospital.  Im learning how to take care of her trach and clean it and stuff………………..so pray for me too!!!  Hope everyone had a great weekend!!!