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yesterday…………….MY MOM.  I took her into the emergency room Monday morning for lower back pain that she has been dealing with for the past 3 weeks.  She couldn’t take it anymore so she told me to take her there instead of to dialysis, which we were on our way.  So we got there and they gave her some morphine.  Made her comfortable.  Then 4 hours later they gave it to her again, plus a patch on her chest that released pain meds also.  My mom is a dialysis patient, so she didn’t filter the meds like how we do through urine.  So the meds stayed in her body and suppressed her breathing.  She was already having a hard time breathing because of the cancer that she had in her throat so thats why they put in the trach tube.  Well anyway, they figured out that the morphine was too strong, cause she wouldn’t respond. So they gave her something to reverse the effects of the morphine, which worked for a few hours, then they had to give it to her again.  She was retaining a lot of carbon monoxide in her body cause she already couldn’t breathe well.  So by yesterday morning she was retaining 100% of it in her body.  Which made her halucinate.  But she also knew who everyone was, and she continuted to smile and be happy even though she was so tired. That morning, when the sun had come out, there was a huge full rainbow right infront of her window.  It was gorgeous.  Then as we were looking at it, a white dove flew to her window and sat there looking in for a few minutes.  I told my mom to look…….and she had a big smile on her face.  It reminded me of Touched By An Angel, the tv show that use to come on………it was a sign I feel that they were coming for her soon. The docs tried to put in a breathing tube down her trach to get more air, but the cancer had already grown and they couldn’t put the tube past the trach to get the tube to her lungs.  They did a scope test to make sure.  They said there was nothing they could do for her now but to make her comfortable.  So thats what we did.  We told her it was ok to go to the angles.  That we would all be ok. and then she left us.  She looked so beautiful and so peaceful, not a single frown on her face.  She looked so good.  I was and am sooooooooooo crushed.  I dont have any appetite to eat a single thing.  Or drink.  I just dont have the feeling to fuel my body.  My kids are the ones that are keeping me going.  Without them to keep me somewhat busy I dont know what I would do.  But I just wanted to share my story with you and let you know that my mom has made her journey.